Why We Fear Change (Even When We Want It): Understanding Resistance in Therapy
- Elevate Mental Health
- Aug 15
- 3 min read
If you’ve ever started therapy wanting change—but found yourself avoiding, overthinking, or even dreading the work—you’re not alone.
Resistance is part of the process. Whether it shows up as missed sessions, perfectionism, people-pleasing, or simply “forgetting” to follow through, resistance is your nervous system’s way of saying, “This feels risky.”
But what if resistance isn’t a problem to fix… but a message to understand?
The Fear of Change in Therapy: What’s Really Going On?
The phrase fear of change in therapy may seem contradictory. After all, change is often the very reason people seek help. But it’s also the thing your brain is most wired to avoid.
Here’s why:
The brain is wired for predictability, not happiness
Even painful patterns feel safe if they’re familiar
Your identity may be wrapped up in who you are before the change
Subconsciously, change may feel like loss—of connection, control, or self
Change triggers survival responses. So your “resistance” is not laziness or sabotage—it’s a protective mechanism. And therapy creates the space to explore it safely.
Recommended Read:
Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes by William Bridges— An excellent breakdown of why even positive change feels disorienting and how to move through it.
How Resistance Shows Up in Therapy
Your resistance might look like:
Overthinking or intellectualizing feelings
Deflecting with humor or silence
Questioning whether therapy is “working”
Wanting to go faster than your system can tolerate
Feeling frustrated that progress isn’t linear
The key is not to eliminate resistance—but to understand and partner with it.
Helpful Resource:
Psychology Today – “Why People Fear Change”— Explores how emotional risk and safety shape our readiness to grow.
How Therapy Helps You Move Through Fear of Change
One of the most important roles of therapy is to help you notice and normalize your fear of change, without judgment.
Therapy supports you by:
Creating emotional safety to explore what’s behind resistance
Using somatic awareness to identify where fear shows up in the body
Slowing the process so your nervous system can catch up with your goals
Naming the costs of not changing without shaming you
Encouraging experimentation over perfection
In many therapy models (like IFS, EMDR, or Polyvagal-Informed Therapy), the goal isn’t to “break through” resistance—it’s to be curious about it, because it’s often protecting a younger or overwhelmed part of you.
A Real-Life Example of Working Through Change
“I came to therapy to stop feeling stuck, but when we started talking about what would actually change, I panicked. Looking back, I realized I didn’t know who I’d be without that anxiety. My therapist helped me see that fear as valid and slowed down our work. That’s when things really started to shift.”
Therapist-Recommended Tools for Facing Change Gently
1. The “Change Timeline” Exercise
Write down 3 meaningful life changes—positive or hard—and how you got through them. What helped? What was scary? This builds confidence in your resilience.
2. Parts Dialogue
When resistance shows up, ask:
“What is this part trying to protect me from?”“What would feel just one step safer right now?”
3. Future Self Check-In
Picture yourself one year from now, having made the change you’re working toward.What does life look like? What do you wish you could tell your present self?
You Can Be Afraid and Still Move Forward
Fear of change in therapy doesn’t mean you’re not ready—it means you’re human. Therapy helps you hold space for both your courage and your caution, your hope and your hesitation. Change doesn’t have to be forced. It can be supported.
And when it is, real growth becomes sustainable—not because you pushed harder, but because you were met with care.
If you're in the Los Angeles, Ventura County, Santa Barbara or surrounding areas, we would be happy to get you connected with one of our licensed therapists. If you are outside of California then consider searching "therapist near me" to guide you to an experienced therapist experience in trauma work.
Your Team at Elevate Mental Health
805.244.6919
Camarillo, California
*Please note that names have been changed or removed to protect the privacy of the person(s) shared.
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