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Conquering the Relationship Disconnect: How to Respond When Your Partner continually Turns Away

Couples Therapy | Relationship Disconnect | Los Angeles Therapist Elevate Mental Health in Ventura County California

Relationship Disconnect and How to Respond

Navigating relationship dynamics can be challenging, especially when you feel like your attempts at connection are consistently disregarded or overlooked. When your partner continues to "turn away" from your bids for connection, as put by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, it can lead to feelings of isolation, frustration, and hurt.

Each time your partner turns away, it's like a minor withdrawal from your relationship's emotional bank account, slowly eroding trust and intimacy. It can create a disconcerting rift, but it doesn't have to be the story's end. Learning how to respond when there is relationships disconnect is a powerful direction to take. There are actionable steps you can take to address this issue and seek resolution here are three recommended strategies derived from the Gottmanns' teachings.

1. Open the Dialogue

Communication is the first step. It's essential for your partner to understand what their behavior does to you and the relationship. Express your concern, talk about what you've observed, and illustrate it with specific examples. Use "I" statements like "I feel ignored when..." rather than "You are always..." as it assert your feelings without blaming your partner.

2. Improve Bid Detectability

Maybe your partner keeps missing your bids because they don't recognize them. Hence, strive to make your bids obvious and clear. Ensure they understand what a "bid" is and make them aware of your unique bid language.

3. Seek Professional Help

If your attempts to improve connection aren't meeting with success, consider seeking professional help. A trained therapist or counselor an provide valuable tools and techniques, facilitate communication, and foster mutual understanding.


It's crucial to remember that repeated "turning away" does not necessarily signify an absence of love or care. It might stem from a lack of understanding, preoccupation, or even exhaustion. The goal is not to tally up the hurts but to nurture an environment where both of you can recognize and respond positively to each other's bids consistently.

Expert Guidance

Are you interested in learning how to develop more bids in your own relationships? A relationship expert can help make this apply to your life in the most practical an customized way. If you're in the Los Angeles, Ventura County, Santa Barbara or surrounding areas, we would be happy to get you connected with one of our licensed therapists. If you are outside of California then consider searching "therapist near me" to guide you to an experienced couples therapists, well-versed in the Gottman method.

The step to book a session with a professional can help you identify patterns in your relationship and give practical strategies to increase positive bidding. Therapy is also a safe space for couples to practice "Turning towards" behavior with the guidance of a professional. Remember, it's never too late to enrich the connection within your relationship.

Your Team at Elevate Mental Health


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